I had a conversation with a fellow healthy eater who is having a difficult time feeding her 3 year old. Most of us know that under the age of 2 you can usually get your kid to eat almost anything, but once the independence kicks in, so does the rejection of food. Some kids are always picky, but this pattern is the most common scenario.

That got me thinking and I felt compelled to write my thoughts on this because I feel quite strongly about it. I separated my thoughts into 3 main points.

1. We have a very simple but hard-line rule in my house:

YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIKE IT, AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT IT, BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY IT. 

I have implemented this rule since my kids started eating solids, but I saw it emphasized in a book I read, Bringing Up Bebe, and realized how important this rule is. (I don’t agree with everything in this book by any stretch of the imagination, but on the issue of food…I think she’s makes good points)

This is powerful for a couple of reasons.

1. Tastebuds change. They change as we grow, as we explore, and as we age. We tend to attach one negative experience with food to a lifetime of choices. I don’t want my children to fall into that trap because it would really limit them from a culinary perspective.

I had an interesting experience with my 3 year old when he was sick. He got some sort of virus/cold and just wasn’t feeling well. I made him carrot/ginger/orange juice thinking it would boost his immune system and make him feel better. He tasted it and hated it so much that he actually started crying. Needless to say he didn’t drink the juice. 2 days later he was feeling better and I made him the juice again. He started crying when he saw it. He begged me not to give it to him. He told me that he had tried it once before and it was awful and he never wanted to taste it again. But my rules are my rules. I insisted he try it again. It took me some discussion, some crying, some time…but after about half an hour, I finally convinced him that he needed to try it once again. I reiterated my point…Orly, you don’t have to drink this whole cup, but you have to try it. If you don’t like it I promise you that I’ll give you some water to wash away the taste and you don’t have to drink anymore. He frowned, squinted his nose, and reluctantly put the cup to his mouth showing his disgust for the juice. All of a sudden, his frown turned into a smile and he started to laugh hysterically. I asked him why he was laughing and he responded…”Mami, you tricked me!!!!! This juice tastes good.” Not only did he have that sip, but he had the whole cup and asked me to make him more. My point is that my son didn’t dislike carrot/ginger/orange juice…he was sick and his body was out of whack and nothing new would have tasted good at that point. If I had not made him confront that juice again, and the next time someone offered him that juice, said “oh no, orly doesn’t like that kind of juice,” he might turn into a 30 year old man who hated carrot/ginger/orange juice one day.

2. Foods taste different based on how they are prepared. A person may dislike the way tomatoes taste on a cheeseburger, but love tomatoes and mozzarella drizzled in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Or they may enjoy roasted butternut squash but dislike a butternut squash soup. This does not mean that this person doesn’t like tomatoes, or butternut squash, it might be a texture issue or cold versus hot….there are many different factors. I personally think canned green beans are disgusting, yet a roasted green bean, or even lightly boiled is delicious to me.

2. My other rule is that there are certain things my kids do not choose: specifically when they sleep and what they are served to eat in our home.

I’m all about giving my children independence and an opportunity to express themselves. In fact, I let them choose things like what they wear (even if it doesn’t match), but sleep and food are non-negotiable.

Here are my reasons why:

I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to protect my children and do what’s best for their health and development. I happen to believe that sleep and food affect children’s well-being and development. As a result,  if I allow them to make decisions on their own behalf that I don’t agree with, I am not protecting them. I am allowing them to make decisions for themselves before they have the capacity to make educated decisions for themselves. When my son can present a reasonable, educated, supported argument that a lolipop is better for him at dinnertime than broccoli, then I will consider it. Until then, broccoli it is. That being said, within these rules, they have choices. For example, they don’t get to choose what I serve for dinner. So they can’t see a plate of lentil soup and say “no mommy, please make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” (well, they can and have said it, but they will not get the desired result) BUT as long as they taste every item on the plate, they do have the choice NOT to eat the plate. There are obvious consequences attached to that decision, the most obvious one being they would go to bed hungry. But I allow them to make that choice because I know that going to bed hungry one night will not affect their health and development. Eating junkfood all the time WILL . The other consequence is that I offer them a dessert after dinner every night. This could range from fruit with homemade whip cream to a piece of dark chocolate or if someone gave them a lolipop that day I may say you can save it for dessert. If they choose not to eat their meal, they don’t get their dessert. This is only because I don’t want to allow them to fill their tummies with the dessert part which defeats the purpose of going to bed hungry.

3. As parents we must lead by example.

If we want our kids to eat healthy, balanced meals and we want them to be open to new foods, new tastes, and new experiences…we, ourselves, have a duty to be an example to them. If I refuse to try seafood, then its not unreasonable for my children to refuse it also. Or maybe they don’t refuse seafood, but instead refuse vegetables. We can always use the argument of you must do as I say but not as I do, but I simply don’t find that to be an effective technique.

My husband, for example, doesn’t like pickles. He simply doesn’t like them. But to his credit, every time pickles are served with his meal the man takes a bite of the pickle. When he realizes that he still doesn’t like it, he sets the rest of the pickle aside. Maybe he’ll never like pickles, but maybe one day, someone will prepare a pickle and he will enjoy it. Who knows, he’ll never stop trying!!!!! So when he says to his son, you have to try these oysters…he can say it with authority, because he walks his talk!

We may have been blessed with good eaters or maybe it has to do with our rules and our parenting, but our kids do eat almost everything. Of course I’ve been put in the position of saying at a restaurant, my son loves vegetables, and having him spit them out and only want fries. And no matter how much healthy food I offer them at home, they will kill for a cupcake or candy at a party. The bad stuff tastes good and kids love bad stuff and thats OK!!!! But the goal is to always PLANT THE SEED. Continue offering the good stuff in hopes that when they can make their own decisions, those decisions will be good ones. And maybe, if we’re lucky they won’t have to re-learn everything they know about food when they’re 34 years old because they’re sick or overweight. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll thank us for this one day!!!!